During the planning stages of the party, I went through a lot of old pictures for a poster board I was putting together and a dvd that a friend created as a gift to my mom. It was fun and emotional. I saw deep, unconditional love in my mom's eyes for my sister and I. I recognized it because I possess the same look now in my own eyes for Matty.
A few days before my mom's party, I was listening to Taylor Swift's, "Never Grow Up" {which makes me sob every time.} All of the previous occasions when I had listened to it, I only thought of how I felt about the song in regard to Matty. This time, I put myself in my mom's shoes. And my grandma's shoes. I imagine that my mom's 50th birthday is bittersweet for both of them. It's sad yet so incredibly amazing to watch our kiddos grow up.
As much as I may want Matty to remain my little boy that I can always protect, I would never want to deny him the the joy that he has brought me. If I never would have grown up, I would have never known love like this.
Happiness is different things at different stages in our life. Some days, happiness is sitting back and watching others take the main stage. As parents, we do that from the beginning. I'm sure it gets harder as our children get older and we become less integral as they make their own way and build their own families. But I have to think the ability to do that symbolizes the greatest degree of love and selflessness and is a sure sign of your own contentment; to be genuinely happy for them and to know you had some sort of hand in creating the love they have in their own eyes, for whatever it may be that gives them that sparkle! And if we never completely let go of the simplicity and innocence of our own childhood, it will make it so much sweeter as we watch our own children grow up. Of course we all have days where we wish we {and they} never would have grown up, but the truth is, the circle of life is a beautiful thing.
Here's to you, mom! Thank you for letting me grow up, even when it was hard to do.
