To My Son...

since that moment

you have belonged to me
entirely, exclusively,
though our days alone will soon be memories,
distant footsteps in the shadows of my heart.

i'll miss watching you mold mountains.
i’ll miss the faithful drum beat in the night
helping me find my way
while it vibrates my soul,
soothing my fears.

as i've muddled through emotions,
you've quietly comforted.
we've shared conversations, laughs, tears even.

as much as i cannot wait to see you, to touch you,
a small part selfishly wants to keep you hidden,
to tend to you on my own,
a graceful secret.

but then i would never know your hand around my finger
or your eyelashes fluttering on my cheek
as i lean in to gather the scent of love.

soon you'll arrive.
i will share my most prized possession,
my favorite story.
you will open your eyes, breathe,
and they will see
what only I have known

since that moment.

Three is the Magic Number

Yesterday, Matt and I had a photo shoot. We wanted to preserve this very special time in our lives so that we never forget being pregnant with Matty. My sister, Jen, was our "photographer." We started with some photos at the house and then went to Monocacy Park. Although it was drizzling, I still wanted to go because I could have Matty at anytime and I would never forgive myself if I didn't document the beauty of our pregnancy. Here are some photos and the rest are on our Shutterfly site.

In The Jungle, The Mighty Jungle, The Baby Sleeps Tonight (Hopefully)!!

After lots of laughs, a few tears and an infinite amount of trips to Lowes, the nursery is finally complete. Well, except for a few pieces of trim and a tree. Yes, a tree. A jungle isn't complete without a tree; a fake tree, but a tree nonetheless. And I just found out that Matt picked one up today. The best part is that it was free.

Matt worked very hard on the nursery. He chose the colors himself and made my dream nursery a reality. He painted and hung the trim though I did paint the letters that spell out M-A-T-T-Y. He carefully and strategically chose where to place the jungle decals. I really think he enjoyed creating his son's nursery. Although I know it's not the sports theme he had hoped for, I believe he likes it and I thank him for giving in to me time and time again :) Your turn will come baby! Matty will surely have a sports themed room in a few years.

Here are a few photos:




To see more photos, click here.

Hee Blow It's Off to Lamaze We Go

I'm 35 weeks and I'm wondering where the time went. I can remember being 11 and 12 weeks, thinking that I would be pregnant forever. I felt fat and wanted nothing more than to just get to the point where I looked pregnant. Well I've been at that point for quite sometime now, though it feels like just yesterday it was August 3rd and Matt and I were first finding out that we were pregnant...aw! sniffle, tear.

Yesterday we attended Lamaze class from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. It was a long day, but we did learn a lot. Two weeks ago I found out that I am not a candidate for an epidural because of the back surgery that I had when I was 10. My immediate reaction was panic, but now that I know some relaxation and breathing techniques, I feel a bit better. Let's hope that I can remember them in the midst of labor!

Our childbirth instructor, Barb, was um, odd. Very nice, but nonetheless, she was a weirdo. She was full of creative descriptions, such as icky poo uterus. I will use it in a sentence to clarify: "If your feel like you have an icky poo uterus, call your doctor immediately."

She really got into the breathing and massaging which caused more then a few outbursts of uncontrollable laughter. I could never ever be a childbirth instructor. It's one thing to do the "hee blow" while you are in labor, with only your husband, a few nurses and your doctor as witnesses, but to do it for 20 plus years in front of strangers, well, that takes a special kind of person!

We met a couple in our Lamaze class who live in our neighborhood! Matt swore that he recognized the guy, and I told him that he thinks he knows someone everywhere we go, but turns out, he really did know him! When we first moved in about 2 and 1/2 years ago, Matt played flag football with a bunch of guys down at the park, and Donovan was one of them. Donovan and his wife, Holly, look to be about our age, and they are also expecting their first child too, so we are excited to learn more about them and to hang out.

Lamaze let out around 4:10 p.m., so we had time to run home to feed and walk the pups. After that, we turned right back around and went to the hospital for the second time in one day because we had our check in appointment at 5:30 p.m. While we waited, we entertained ourselves by looking at the babies in the nursery. Finally, the woman came and got us and we went to her office to get our information in the system, fill out some paperwork, and watch a video on shaken baby syndrome...so sad.

Because I cannot have an epidural, I've been wondering what they would do if I end up needing a cesarean. I asked her and she told me that they would put me under. I don't know why, but I never considered the possibility! I assumed there was something else they could give me that would numb the pain, but still allow me to witness the birth of Matty. She went on to say that if that was the case, Matt wouldn't be allowed in with me. Of course I started crying. It was as if my whole birth plan was unraveling! I composed myself quickly and the woman assured me that most likely, a cesarean wouldn't be necessary.

On the way home from the hospital, Matt reminded me that although it wasn't ideal, I need to stay focused on the goal: to give birth to a healthy baby, regardless of how it had to happen. That's why I love him and we complement each other so well. I get super emotional and he brings me back to reality! But still, I'm praying that I can have a successful vaginal delivery.

Other than that, we're busy getting ready. Matt is painting the nursery. It's still a mess, but it's coming along. Once everything is painted, it's a matter of putting all of the furniture in place and adding the finishing touches. Hopefully I'll have some pictures to share of the finished product soon.

Now I'm off to clean and then get ready for my overnight trip to Atlantic City with my mom. Wish us luck!

Let's Give Them Something to Chirp About!

My shower was a few weeks ago on February 7. My sister, Jen, and my best friend, Italia, did an amazing job. It was a bird/nesting theme.






I was truly surprised. My friend and co-worker, Mary, told me weeks prior about a basket social at her church. I love going to these kinds of events, so of course I said yes. She threw in so many details, that I never thought twice about whether I was really going to a basket social. So even though I didn't win a basket, I received so many wonderful gifts! All of the larger items were purchased off of our registry, so we really have very little left to purchase ourselves. Thank you to everyone for coming and for the wonderful presents.

Tag

My friend, Rebecca, tagged me so here I go...

The Rules:
1. Go to where you store your digital photos and open the 4th folder.
2. Post the 4th picture in that folder.
3. Explain the picture.

4. Tag 4 people.

Have fun!


Boring, huh? But beautiful nonetheless. I took this photo on the first day of trout fishing in 2006. It is a reflection of the trees on the pond. It was 6 or 6:30 a.m. As you can see, fog enveloped the landscape. When I look at it, I feel calm and inspired. Perhaps I will write a poem based on the feelings that this photo evokes. Thanks to Rebecca for making me look at a photo that I otherwise wouldn't have. Here are a few more photos from that morning...

All You Need is Love

Below is a poem that I wrote about a year ago. Following the original is a revision that I just made for submission to Blue Mountain Arts. The original was way too short for the greeting card market. I was inspired to do a whole senses theme...

Original:

saturday sounds like

the absence of an alarm

instead

playful puppy whimpers

commence the day

bare toes

on carpet

offer comfort

to our souls


Revised:

Saturday sounds like

the absence of an alarm.

Instead, playful puppy whimpers

commence the day.


Saturday feels like

bare toes on carpet.

Ten dancers, ten dreamers,

reveling in the sand.


Saturday tastes like

coffee, banana pancakes.

Slow meals inspire us

to savor simplicity.


Saturday smells like

fabric softener, fresh cut grass.

We catch it as it floats

through an open window.


Saturday looks like

a black and white photograph.

A depiction of love

preserved in glass.


Our senses seduce our minds,

allow us to leave behind

the week before,

to ignore the week ahead

so that we can just be,

you

me

we.